What I want for Christmas is ..

Documents obtained under US freedom of information laws confirmed that the country's military considered developing a "gay bomb." In 1994 the US Air Force requested $7.5m to make a bomb that would cause enemy soldiers to become gay, and to have their units break down because the soldiers became irresistibly attractive to one another.

Staying Bootiful

May 4th saw a jazz band entertaining a long queue in the Victoria Centre branch of Boots. I believe they were queuing for bottles of “Protect & Perfect”, the anti-wrinkle cream that actually works. The editorial team of QB shun such fripperies, relying on alternating treatments of goose grease and sandpaper to retain our ever youthful visages.

Bowing to the inevitable

For years the Newark Advertiser has refused all advertisements with a gay or lesbian reference. On April 30th 2007 the Goods and Services/Sexual Orientation bill was enacted. On May 2nd the Newark Advertiser accepted an ad from Nottingham Lesbian and Gay Switchboard.

Tangled webs

There are parents whose lack of foresight when naming their children can lead to years of childhood persecution (Ophelia Balls etc). When naming their websites, the following companies have fallen headlong into a similar trap.

Experts Exchange is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice. Speed of Art is a designers’ website. In New South Wales you will find Mole Station Nursery. Want to know a celebrity’s agent? Who Represents can help … or perhaps you need a therapist, if so try Therapist Finder. The Mecca for buying a pen is Pen Island …. and then there is the Italian Power Generator company. Their websites (feel free to check) are:

www.expertsexchange.com
www.whorepresents.com
www.speedofart.com
www.therapistfinder.com
www.molestationnursery.com
www.penisland.net
www.powergenitalia.com

Totally bananas

The President of Gambia has horrified scientists by announcing that he has developed a "miracle cure" for HIV/AIDS.

Hundreds of Gambians have lined up to be "cured" by President Yahya Jammeh, who treats his patients by rubbing a mysterious herbal paste into their ribcages and then instructing them to swallow a bitter yellow drink, followed by two bananas. Mr Jammeh says “AIDS sufferers will be cured within 3 to 30 days."

Notes and Queeries

A first-ever museum display, "Against Nature?", which opened in January at the University of Oslo's Natural History Museum in Norway, presents 51 species of animals exhibiting homosexuality. Homosexuality has been noted in over 1500 species, says the exhibition coordinator. E.g. giraffes show more same-sex than heterosexual activity and most dolphins are bisexual - he’s not called “Flipper” for nothing.

A BBC radio programme promoting safer sex mentioned getting free condoms, which would be given away on “a first come, first served principle.”

Swiss operatic tenor Hugues Cuenod was singing well into his eighties. He made his debut at the New York Met aged 85. Now 104, he is looking forward to his civil partnership ceremony now that Switzerland has passed laws recognising same-sex relationships.

Gay poet created Robin Hood

Even if Robin Hood wasn't gay, the man who wrote the famous ballads was. And this writer, poet Sir John Clanvowe, was also "married" to Sir William Neville, Constable of Nottingham Castle from 1381.

The first mention of Robin Hood as a subject of ballads is in 1377, but these ballads are not recorded - no Merry Men, no Nottingham. The earliest surviving ballads date between 1380 and 1400. Sir John was ideally placed to write these later ballads, which a century after his death were printed as "The Geste of Robyn Hode" - the source of all the legends we know today.
Sir John and Sir William met before 1370 and were renowned as a close, loyal couple. Almost certainly they recognised their relationship in a church ceremony. Their tombstone even shows their coats of arms as a married couple - ignoring William's real wife! As an aristocrat's youngest son, William married an heiress (Elizabeth le Waleys) to provide an income.

John and William were friends of King Richard II, who came to Nottingham many times. He was also a patron of art and literature. Perhaps, on one of his visits, bored with the old Robin Hood stories, Richard asked John to come up with some new ones.

Just like modern writers, medieval poets used real people on which to base characters, and John flattered his partner by using elements from William's and Elizabeth's family history to create new stories of Robin Hood. These coded elements would be recognised by the audience, and enjoyed as in-jokes.

In "The Geste", Robin Hood lives in Barnsdale, Yorkshire, where the le Waleys family owned many manors. The king in "The Geste" is Edward, not Richard the Lionheart. Edward II came to Nottingham many times, and in 1324 came to deal with outlaws. He made his lover Piers Gaveston Constable of the castle (William's uncle married Gaveston's widow). The sheriff in 1324 was Henry Fauconberg (William's aunt married into this family), and legend says that the Sheriff was Little John's brother.

The Merry Men live in a typical all-male community much favoured by Richard II. Even any homoerotic readings may be Sir John's coded sexual fantasies. "The Geste" is also anti-church, which fits with John's support for the religious reformer John Wycliff.

Using these elements and more, John could have woven new characters and plots into older stories and in the process create the basis of the legends we know today.