Knob end

….. is just one of those villages with silly names which you can find in England - it’s in Lancashire, by the way. Perhaps its parish councillors might consider twinning it with Slack Bottom (Yorkshire), Sandy Balls (New Forest) or Great Cockup (Lake district).

Another letter to the vicar

Dear Vicar

Thank you for your previous advice as to how I should respond to the true word of the Bible as set out in the Book of Leviticus. I now have two further questions.

Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die?

I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of what the Bible refers to as menstrual “uncleanliness” (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence, indeed as a result I have received one black eye, suffered a severe kick to my left shin and have a small dent on my forehead shaped like the catch of a handbag.

Yours confused (and bruised) of Clifton