Notes and queeries

Because of a visit to Europride in Stockholm, these notes and queeries have a Swedish flavour. The following is a list of questions which potential visitors have sent to the Stockholm Tourist Information Service:

• Will I see the Northern Lights in Stockholm? Definitely! Just order a schnapps in every bar you can find.
• I would love to visit a famous clock factory. In that case turn left when you get to Arlanda airport, head for Austria and ask directions for that little country beginning with “S”.
• Is it true that all the girls are drop-dead gorgeous? No. Only 87%. The rest are just supermodels and movie stars.
• Will I see any polar bears in Stockholm? Of course, the place is crawling with them. Just make sure that you carry a bag of chocolate biscuits as they love those.

What's best about being gay

• You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
• You only wear polyester when you mean to.
• If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
• You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
• You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
• You've shaved something other than your face.
• You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
• After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
• Your love handles are actually used as such.
• You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.