What's best about being gay

• You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
• You only wear polyester when you mean to.
• If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
• You're fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
• You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
• You've shaved something other than your face.
• You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
• After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he's right there in the shower.
• Your love handles are actually used as such.
• You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.